omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
