My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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