i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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