Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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