hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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