My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
