I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
