having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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