My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
