thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
