Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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