guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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