Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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