sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
