Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
