Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Enjoy the penises
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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