Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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