My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
