I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
