she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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