Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dicks are not precious.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
