I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
