Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
