Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
