I just pynch a tree in the face
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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