I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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