Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
