yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
