Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
