Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
