i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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