if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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