why didn't you poke me back
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
