i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
