If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
