Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
