hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
