how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I see more hoeing in ur future
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