Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
