Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
