If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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