Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
