Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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