Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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