YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
