so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
