NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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