It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
