Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
