Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
