You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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