My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
