420 ftw
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
