I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
